Yom Kippur: Mr. Twitterwitz Texts God using a Forgiveness App

(Mr. Twitterwitz) Texting App

Last week was Yom Kippor—the holiest day on the Jewish calendar.  Off to Shul I went. 

Once in Shul, I found an uncomfortable seat; I readied myself for soul searching and a growling stomach.  The synagogue was full of young people. “How exciting to be amongst a new generation of Atoners,” I mused.

Eyes closed—deep in reflection, my heart was torn apart; I needed forgiveness in a bad way: the righteous rage and resentment I’ve kept 'company' with was fighting to keep its place in my heart.

"I’m not sure I’m ready to say good-bye to my 'company'," I told God; "these emotions feel like a normal response to chaloshes times; and to top it off, my son Mendel never introduced me to his new love, Hershel; don't ask--don't tell--doesn't he know I'm against that?"

Engaged in a spiritual struggle, I was suddenly distracted by chirping sounds.  The strange sounds were coming from  nearby Prayer books. 

“What could those chirps be?” “Were this year’s Prayer books featuring exotic birds?”  As an avid birdwatcher, I wondered, “should I have brought my binoculars?”  Intrigued, I moved closer to one of the noisy Prayer books; a very young man was texting, twittering and fluttering on his I-Phone.  His name, I learned, was Mr. Twitterwitz.

In a quiet synagogue voice, I asked Twitterwitz if texting was a new way of connecting with God.  “Yes,” he said, “I’m trying out Apple's new Forgiveness App; I want to see if it works.” 

He showed me the app on his I-Phone. “Isn’t technology something,” I remarked. “Is the chirping sound God’s response to you," I asked?

Whether God answered Mr. Twitterwitz was not an issue for him; bonding with his new App was paramount. “It’s more efficient to text God for forgiveness; prayer takes too long and sitting in Shul is uncomfortable,” he shared. 

Still curious, I asked, “Nu, now that you’ve texted God for forgiveness—how do you feel, Twitterwitz?” Without a pause, he said, “I feel finished!”  Finished, he was—he got up and left. 

After Twitterwitz departed, I wondered, "could I text God for forgiveness?" I don't think so since I don’t have an App to my name. Not to mention, I don’t do efficient and discomfort is my middle name.

 If Mr. Twitterwitz’s connection to God is texting—Zie Gezunt! For now, I’ll take my uncomfortable seat, soul searching and hunger pangs.  But who knows, I may try an 'App' one of these days!

Glossary

Yiddish/Yinglish                                                      English   
-Shul                                                                         -Synagogue
-Chaloshes                                                                -Horrible/loathsome
-Zie Gezunt                                                                -Be healthy (used as a farewell)                                                                      

References: Yom Kippor
1.  Hunger pangs:  Fasting for 24 hours is a Yom Kippor ritual
2. Atonement:  amend one's behavior and seek forgiveness for wrongs done against God and against other human beings.