I’m Verklempt! Navigating Paul ‘Revere’ Krugman

Paul (Revere) Krugman's Book, by Bernard Goldbach

'Sage' Character as GPS

I’m verklempt!  I am navigating economist and New York Times columnist, Paul ‘Revere’ Krugman to a conference in Philadelphia; he’s set to deliver an uplifting speech on America’s imminent economic collapse; the ‘Revere’ is a tribute to his warnings to policy makers; sadly, the gunifs don’t listen.

 My task is to get Mr. Fablunged out of Jersey.  “Paul, snap out of it and make a damned U-turn if you want to get to Philly on time,” I say in a gentle tone.  He abides, and we’re on our way.

 Obamala’s proposed mini-stimulus package is the topic of our conversation; “Feh!” he declares and delivers his greatest hits. “Sage, fifty billion dollars won’t create enough jobs; the tax cuts for research and development are idiotic; we’re like Japan in the 90’s—only worse; unemployment will continue to skyrocket—deflation is around the corner.”

Following Paul’s sermon, I switch my versatile GPS to “I am deaf” mode. God forbid, I should seem rude, but even Sage Feldemyer needs a break from relentless bad news!

I change the subject and ask, “Pauli, what do you do for fun, hon? Do you ever go out dancing or to the movies?”

“I go on the Sunday morning chat shows; that’s always fun,” he smiles.   “Is it fun talking to George Will and Ari Fleisher,” I ask?  “Absolutely,” he says.

"Incredulous—this guy is really committed or maybe he needs to be committed,” I ponder. “Paul,” I say, “I like all kinds of people, but I wouldn’t want to be on their dashboard—if you know what I mean.”

“Sage,” Paul replies”My analysis of economic policies is important for Americans to hear; those chat shows reach a lot of people.”

As Paul drives, I look at his haimisha punim and think, “Americans are so lucky to have such an informative, depressing economist to read.”  I’m worried sick. I’ve never felt more content.

“Paul” I request, “let’s stop for coffee before we reach your destination.”  He likes the idea.  He pulls up to a restaurant and asks what I’d like in my coffee.

“A teaspoon of arsenic and no milk please,” I reply.  I then ask Paul if he’d like to join me in my beverage choice.  He declines.

Not to worry bubalas—no arsenic in my coffee, and I’m allergic to milk! Until next time—don’t forget to read Paul in the Times.  Misery loves company….

Glossary

Yiddish/Yinglish                English
-Gunifs                               -Small time crooks/thiefs
-Haimish                            -Homey, familiar, likable
-Fablunged                        -Hopelessly lost
-Bubala                             -Term of endearment/darling person
-Verklempt                       -Overcome with emotion
-Punim                              -Face