The Town: A Jewish Movie Review

Ben Affleck, The Town

Its movie night: Sam, Michael, Hannah, Rose and me are about to see The Town.  It’s gotten terrific reviews; we are excited; we promise to only talk through half of the movie—a real sacrifice. Hannah and Rose get their buttered popcorn, and we are set to watch the movie.  

When the movie ends, we stand outside the theater to conduct our ritual: The Jewish Movie Review. “Nu…what do ya think kids,” I start the conversation?

Hannah:  “Oy, such violence; I kept my head down for most of the movie."

Sam:  “I loved that Pete Postlewaite, but why was his part was so small—I don’t get it—he’s such a good actor—he should have had a bigger part, don’t you think?”

Michael:  “I love that Jeremy Renner; he was so good in Hurt Locker; he should have gotten an academy award for his performance."

Sage: “Renner is a wonderful actor--I couldn’t understand a word he said—his Boston accent was so thick—there should have been subtitles; am I right?”  “Absolutely—good idea, Sagie,” everyone agrees.

Rose:  “The farshunkeneh popcorn was too greasy; that wasn’t butter—that was poison—why do they use that drek? God knows I pay enough for that farcoct tub!”

In the midst of our ritual a complete stranger walks up and asks, “Hey, how was the movie?” 

In unison, we reply:  “Oh, it was a great movie; yeah, we’re very glad we saw it. No, the violence wasn’t bad at all; and the cast—they were perfect.”  

“The only thing that didn’t work,” said Rose, “was the popcorn—that was chalucious.  Don’t buy it; the chocolate almonds are a better bet, honey.”  

Our ritual comes to an end; we congratulate ourselves for choosing such a good movie.  Now it’s time for cake and coffee.  Our problem:  we can’t agree on where to go!

We’re starving readers:  can you recommend a place that has big portions?

Glossary

Yiddish/Yinglish                                                    English
-Farshunkeneh                                                        -Rotten
-Chalucious                                                            -Horrible
-Drek                                                                     -Shit
-Farcoct                                                                 -For Shit