'Cousin' Elena Kagan: Does She Resemble Aunt Hannah or Uncle Al?

Supreme Court Justice Elena Kagan: Do you think she looks like my Aunt Hannah?

SETTING:  Sage’s Phone Conversation with Longtime Friend, Dora

“Wonderful, exciting—unheard of,” Dora’s description on watching her distant cousin, Elena Kagan, take her place on the Supreme Court.  “My uncle Dudye, Elena’s great-grandfather would be so proud,” she sighs. Remember, Sagie—Dudye, fled the Cossacks and wound up in Philly.”

Sage:  “Yeah, what a success story, Dorala—from the Shtetls of Russia to the Supreme Court!”

Dora:  “Right, Sage—but I have to tell you—I’m sitting here driving myself crazy wondering who Elena looks like.  Does she look like Aunt Hannah or does she look like Uncle Al—I just can’t decide."

Sage:  “Hannah? Elena's not related to her—she's your relation on your mother’s side, remember?”

Dora:  “Well, she has the same body as Aunt Hannah.”

Sage:  “Haven’t you noticed—we all have the same body as Aunt Hannah:  stout, hips for days, and a big tuchus.”

Ignoring my answer, she calls out to her husband Howard, “Howie, who do you think my cousin Elena looks like—Aunt Hannah or Uncle Al?”

Harry:  “She looks like the ‘Milk and Eggs Man,’ Dor!”

Dora: “What ‘Milk and Eggs Man’ are you talkin’ about, Howie?”

Sage: “He’s joking, ‘Gracie Allen’—what the hell is so important about knowing who she looks like?”

Dora:   “You’re right—who she looks like—isn’t important.  Let’s change the subject: I don’t think those black robes are a flattering look for her—isn’t there a substitute costume she could wear on the court?” 

Sage: “Nope, substitutes are not permitted.”

Dora:  “Thank God, she doesn’t have to wear a burqa—she’d look like a tent!” 

Sage: “They’d all look like tents, if they had to wear burqas, mishuggeneh.”

Dora:  “Sage, what’s terrific—she’s not a Scalia—she’s not a Thomas and hopefully, she’s no Alito!” 

Sage:  “Thurgood: what if she was another Thurgood, Dor----can you imagine?"

Dora:  “No”

Sage:  “OK, but isn’t a good fantasy healing for the soul?”

Dora:  “Absolutely. But truthfully, Sage—the point is—who does she really look like—that, I’m dying to figure out!”

 Glossary

Yiddish/Yinglish                               English

-Tuchas                                            -Rear end, Ass 

-Mishuggeneh                                   -Nuts, crazy

-Shtetls                                             -Eastern European (poverty-stricken) village
-Dodye                                            -Dovid/David, pronounced Dodja

Reference: 
Gracie Allen:  Zany comedienne married to George Burns